Human Behavior | Rex Houze

Oct 20 Comments Off

IT’S HARD TO GET AWAY FROM A GOOD LISTENER

Posted by Rex Houze

Listening involves more than your ears. It involves your eyes and any other senses you can put into play. When you see what a person pays attention to, you can tell what their intentions are. Listen to the words they use. Watch their facial expressions and body language. What is important to them? Are they using contradictory terms or phrases? Are they avoiding answering certain questions or skirting certain issues? Are they making eye contact? All of these are signals you can interpret to help you communicate. This is called active listening. Think of listening as a precious gift you are giving the other person. Even in the most difficult situations, people appreciate it when you listen.

Some of the Benefits of Active Listening Include:

Prevent misunderstandings
Improve insight into people’s wants and needs
Enhance relationships
Increase opportunities to learn
Reduce friction and resolve conflicts
Enlist support and favorable responses
Encourage a more honest and sincere exchange

People Fail to Hear Because They Are:

Too busy preparing what they are going to say
Letting their mind wander (We listen at least four times faster than we speak.)
Lazy (It takes effort to listen effectively.)
Faking attention
Egotistical or mentally set (They lack interest in what other people are saying.)
Impatient

To Encourage Others to Talk So We Can Listen:

Will Rogers said, “Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.” Most people have a favorite topic – themselves. Keep in mind that it is hard to get away from a good listener. People will think you are brilliant when you let them talk about themselves.
Be sincerely interested in what other people are saying. People can sense insincerity and they will stop sending.
Encourage people with supportive nods and phrases.
Guide the conversation with questions. Remember, the question mark is mightier than the exclamation point.
Avoid interrupting other people.
Concentrate on what other people are trying to say – their words, ideas, and feelings related to the subject.
Make eye contact.
Stay in the moment. Compartmentalize any other issues that might distract you.
Get rid of distractions. Put down papers or pencils, unless you are taking notes. Turn off your cell phone or put it on silent mode. Turn your computer monitor off and/or shutdown your computer or laptop.
Ask for clarification if you do not understand a point or idea.

GIVE PEOPLE THE PRECIOUS GIFT OF LISTENING

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Oct 20 Comments Off

TRUST – THE GREAT ELIXIR

Posted by Rex Houze

Trust is the single most important factor in personal relationships. Trust is the feeling that we can depend on another person. Management, or coaching, is about personal relationships and personal relationships are about trust.

Lack of trust is one of the main reasons players “fire” their coach. Players “fire” their coach in one of two ways: 1) by quitting and leaving or 2) by not performing (quitting and staying). If turnover, or low performance, is evident on your team, look for ways to establish more appropriate levels of trust.

Trust is built one encounter at a time and can be damaged or destroyed in one encounter. Listed below are several factors for establishing appropriate levels of trust:

Make and keep commitments. Say what you will do and do what you say. When people know you are a person of integrity and they can count on you, their trust level goes up.

Take responsibility for your actions. Admit mistakes and fix them.

Meet deadlines. Give plenty of notice if you are going to miss one.

Be a good communicator. Your ability to communicate can make or break relationships and your relationships can make or break your performance and results. Relationships are built on trust and trust is developed over time and based on feedback.

Eliminate fear of the unknown in your relationships by being consistent. Consistency enables predictability, predictability enables trust, and trust enables performance improvement. Consistency gives people comfort and inconsistency causes them discomfort. If you say one thing and do another, people will feel unsettled.

Avoid misunderstandings. Fix them quickly if they do occur.

Do not have hidden agendas. Most people can see right through them.

Minimize confusion. Confusion causes uncertainty; uncertainty causes confusion; and confusion contributes to a reduction in trust.

Inspect what you expect. People respect you more when you inspect what you expect.

Mutual respect and trust go hand in hand. When team members do not trust and respect each other, they are unwilling and unable to have a meaningful dialogue, which limits their ability to handle conflict constructively. The fear of letting down respected teammates can be a great motivator for people to improve their performance. In an atmosphere of mutual trust, teams can make timely decisions and move forward with complete buy-in from every team member – even those who spoke against the decision during the dialogue.

When there is a high level of trust and mutual respect on a team, it is much easier and safer to speak with candor. Others are more likely to believe your message when they trust you and they are confident you have their best interest in mind.

Trust is the key to getting team members to maximize their energy. When there is tension in a relationship because of lack of trust, most, if not all, of a person’s energy is spent on reducing the tension. When there is a relationship of mutual trust, tension is at a minimum and all energy can be used to complete tasks and accomplish goals.

Taking the time to establish and maintain trust in all your relationships will pay big dividends in every area of your life.

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Oct 20 Comments Off

PRINCIPLES FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE PROBLEMS

Posted by Rex Houze

Let people know the impact of their actions. Make sure the impact is relative to them, not you.

Avoid E-mail when dealing with people problems. You will lose the effectiveness of tone, inflection, facial expression, and body language; plus, your message or intent might be misinterpreted without the advantage of a dialogue. Try to deal with the issue face to face. If that isn’t practical, do it by phone.

The severity of the problem might dictate the time needed, but in most cases be direct and keep it brief.

Avoid showing anger. It is okay to show or express disappointment; or, to explain the gravity of the situation with intensity; but, getting angry will create unnecessary tension that could shut down communication and cause resistance to change.

Get the team member to set a goal to correct the problem behavior. Set a follow-up date to review progress on the goal.

Resist the temptation to raise your voice. Keep it at a normal level or slightly lower. This will help keep emotions in check and encourage the team member to listen.

Describe your expectations for acceptable performance, behavior, or results in specific terms. Do not “sugar coat” or “beat around the bush.” Get agreement or acknowledgement that the team member understands your expectations. Get the team member to tell you, in his or her own words, what your expectations are. A nod or passive approval is not enough when you are dealing with a serious problem.

Get agreement that the current behavior is not meeting expectations and is unacceptable.

Planning:

Get the facts. Do not rely on rumor or innuendo.
Know enough about the person to predict his or her responses.
Write bullet points about what you will say in what order.
Choose an appropriate location that is private.

ASAP – when you become aware of a problem and have the facts, the best time to act is as soon as possible. Waiting will not make the situation better and it probably won’t go away. If the temperature gauge in your car enters the danger zone and a hissing noise is coming from under the hood, delaying attention will not be very pleasant. Likewise, delaying attention to problem behavior can be damaging to you and your entire team.

When challenged, the best strategy is to avoid over-reacting. Listen carefully and let the person vent. Venting to a good listener will usually make the other person more receptive to changing and taking corrective action.

Avoid offering your personal opinion; keep the discussion business-based.

When there are multiple issues, focus on one at a time to prevent overwhelming or confusing the team member.

Document the conversation. This will make it easier to follow up and reduce the possibility that something was misconstrued.

Be open to the possibility that this problem employee’s behavior is a symptom of a larger problem within your team. Perhaps this person is in the wrong role; there are poor working conditions or a hostile working environment; or, there is a personality conflict with another team member.

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Oct 14 Comments Off

Improving Performance with Clear Expectations

Posted by Rex Houze

Giving specific, appropriate feedback is the quickest, cheapest, and most effective intervention for improving performance. Clarifying expectations is the first step in a coach’s ability to give specific, appropriate feedback.

When people have to guess what they are supposed to do it creates tension and they won’t do their best work. Avoid telling people to “do their best”. What does “do your best”mean? What does “try harder” mean? What does a “comprehensive report” look like?

Sometimes workers know they are doing things they should not be doing, but they don’t realize it is a problem.To avoid this, ask employees:

How do you know when you are doing a good or bad job?
How do you measure the quality of your performance?
How do you know when you do something wrong?
Describe what good performance looks like.
Describe what bad performance looks like.

When people clearly understand what is expected of them, it reduces the relationship tension and improves their ability to perform up to the coach’s expectations.

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Oct 14 Comments Off

Avoiding Miscommunications

Posted by Rex Houze

The biggest mis communication is to assume communication has taken place. How many times have you been disappointed by someone you thought you communicated with, only to find out they were on a different page than you? This happens tens of thousands of times every day in business and personal relationships.

We can reduce mis communications, missed expectations, frustration, confusion, disappointment, anger, and many other emotions by keeping the following things in mind when we are attempting to communicate:

1. Know what your goal is. What do you want the other person to know, think, or do?

2. Choose your words carefully. If possible, practice what you will say and/or write out what you want to say. Use words and language at the recipient’s level.

3. Use the proper tone and inflection. Emphasizing different words in a sentence can dramatically change the way your message is perceived.

4. Make certain your body language and facial expressions are congruent with your message. People believe what they see over what they hear.

5. Observe the body language and facial expressions of the other person. If the other person’s body language or facial expression isn’t congruent with the message you are sending, stop and ask a question that will get you both on the same wave length.

6. Pace yourself to the mental speed of your listener. You can usually tell how fast a person thinks by how fast he or she talks. If you go too slow or too fast, the other person might get impatient, confused, or frustrated.

7. Actively ask for feedback. For example, “So we can be sure we are communicating effectively, would you tell me your understanding of what we just discussed? ”If you are on the same page or wave length, move on. If not, clarify and discuss until you are. Avoid questions such as: “Do you understand?” or “Have I made myself clear?” Such closed-end questions can cause your listener to give you a tacit yes and, worse yet, feel that you think he or she is stupid, which can lead to shutting down communication.

8. Control the environment as much as possible. If there is a lot of noise, or other
distractions, move to a quieter location with fewer distractions.

9. Ask questions until you get to the heart of the matter or accomplish your goal. Mix statements with your questions. People are good at answering questions. Also, a question can be perceived as threatening and can intimidate. Sometimes you can elicit information better with a statement than you can a question. A statement opens the door to the other person’s reply. A statement does not require a reply, whereas a question does. For example, you can make a statement such as,“You are probably wondering about a number of things that are involved with these changes we are discussing”.Even if the other person responds with a simple, “Yes”,resist the temptation to speak.Use silence to give the other person the inclination to tell you what he or she is really thinking. Knowing what the other person is thinking is the first step in avoiding mis-communications

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Oct 14 Comments Off

Positive Confronting

Posted by Rex Houze

Many people think confrontation is negative. Childhood sayings run through their
mind – for example, “If you cannot say anything nice about someone, don’t say
anything at all” or “Play nice.” These thoughts can get in the way of appropriate
confrontation.

If someone’s behavior is inappropriate, you do him or her a disservice by not
bringing it to his or her attention. Most, if not all, people want to know if their
behavior is counter-productive for achieving the desired results and contributing
to the team’s success. Here are some guidelines for effective confrontation:

Focus on specific issues or behaviors an employee can control. Avoid
personal attacks
Deal with the facts. Avoid using rumors, innuendos, or sarcasm as a basis
for confronting an employee.
Avoid inflammatory words such as should, ought to, have to, always,
never, etc. Instead, focus on desired goals, results, and appropriate behavior.
Train yourself to listen for what’s important or key to the issue, and “block”
words like those listed in the previous bullet point.
Be direct without being rude, obnoxious, or otherwise offensive.
Treat the employee with dignity and respect and never show your anger.
Remember, people will always remember how you made them feel long
after the specific words are forgotten.
Help the employee develop a plan of action for correcting an unproductive
situation or inappropriate behavior.
Approach the situation as soon as you have the facts and an opportunity
to meet privately with the employee.
End your session by stating your belief that the employee will do better in
the future.